


Of Problematic Kilts

by Ohnonnynonny



Series: Being Productive By Way Of Not Being Productive [7]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Crack, First Meeting, Flirting, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, Modern AU, meet cute, seriously, side will/freya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 20:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8175358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohnonnynonny/pseuds/Ohnonnynonny
Summary: Even clothing ships it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So a LONG time ago, I was going to convert this show into a merthur au, episode by episode, as a writing exercise. I stopped. It took way too long and just, ain't nobody got time for that. I took one idea from that project and made it completely into it's own little story. Here you go. It's crack wherein I'm pretty sure Kilgharrah was reincarnated into a kilt.
> 
> As usual, not beta'd in anyway. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> This story is authorized for AO3 only. It is not to be copied or used elsewhere without my explicit written permission.
> 
> I don't own the characters to Merlin(TV) and am not profiting from this work. Enjoy!

It was the opening of "Will's Kilt Shoppe" and Merlin couldn't believe Will actually went and did it. It was a dare from when they were still in primary school and now they were nearing thirty. Neither have ever backed out on a dare, but still. Now that Will was married and moved to Edinburgh, of all places, he should have seen it coming. Merlin was still a bit shocked while thinking about it on the train and while walking into the actual shop with a potted plant.

"Merlin! Hey–what the fuck is that, mate? A plant? A bloody plant?! That's the gift you get me for finally opening this damn shop? Aww, Merls, I am sorely disappointed in you. Is it something I can smoke at least?" said Will, barging out of the backroom. 

Will. Will was one person that Merlin could count on to never change. He got him a plant for that very reason. Just to get a reaction. It never got old. 

"No, Will. It's just a normal plant. A nice gesture that people tend to do when invited to a new place of a friend’s. I was going to get you a flower to distract from your ugly mug, but then it would be bad for business, wouldn't it? You've got to attract punters somehow, even if it's with people daringly curious enough to come see your face." Merlin 1 : Will 0

"Oh ho, just for that, I'm going to make you wear one of my kilts as a display!" said Will with a pointed finger.

"Hey! That's–"

"Ah, Ah! You've already agreed to help! I've already got Freya wearing the ladies kilt so I need someone to show off the gents." 

Merlin was resigned. Merlin 1 : Will 1. 

Before he could finally, ruefully accept his demise, Will spoke up again. "That's not all. For insulting my beautiful face, I dare you to wear the kilt without any pants!" 

Merlin's jaw dropped. "No fucking way! Absolutely not!!" 

That only made Will grin wider. 

"Is that so? Then is this how it ends? Am I to be the king? Are you going to make me a crown of fivers and buy me endless pints for the whole weekend? I knew this day would come and I fucking knew I would win!" crowed Will in utter delight.

_ Damn it. Damn it all _ . Merlin forgot that was the reason why neither of them backed out of dares. But they were just kids! Stupid, fucking kids! Gritting his teeth, Merlin made up his mind. 

"Fine. I'll do it." Will gawped. Merlin 2 : Will 100.

"No fucking way. You're really going to do it!? Oh my gods. I've got to—Freya! Freyaaa!!" Will practically screeched.

"What? What is it now, Will? Just because we're married now doesn't mean that everything is an emergency and I've got to be here so we can do everything together,” said an exasperated voice.

Merlin snickered at that but Will was too excited to care. 

"Guess what good ole' Merls has accepted to do. Go on, Frey. Guess." 

Merlin shut up. He wouldn't enjoy it but he'd rather be pants-less under a kilt for a couple hours than have Will lord over his head that he was the king while draining his income. Will could drink anyone under the table. Crazy bastard. Freya gave Merlin a wry smile. 

"Don't tell me you accepted another stupid dare from this idiot," Freya half chastised. 

Merlin returned that wry smile. The three of them had grown up together so she knew all about how crazy or idiotic the dares could get. 

"One of the dumbest ones as of yet. I've got to go pants-less under the kilt for an hour." Merlin hoped he could get away with that last bit. 

"Hold the fucking horse, Merls. We did not agree to that. No, you're going to be wearing that Kilt for three hours at least! Walking around the shop and up and down the block a bit. That there is proper justice for my face." 

It was Merlin's turn to gawp again. But he held his tongue. He knew anything else he said would just raise the stakes for both of them and they were pretty high already. 

"Fine. I hate you."

*

It was a nice day. Arthur had just finished signing a contract with Godwin's Gourmet Goods. He managed to pull in a coveted job to build a twin to one of the best restaurants in London. There was only the one restaurant located in Edinburgh, and it was well worth the bloody train ride to make the contract a done deal. As the meeting finished up in the restaurant, the Manager and his associates excused themselves back to their offices while Arthur remained to clear away his rough blueprints and the now signed contract. 

As he was leaving the restaurant, he pulled out his DSLR and started to review some of the photos he had taken earlier. All of a sudden, someone backed up into him nudging him to the side but he couldn't be arsed to care because he wasn't looking where he was going either. He heard a voice yell an apology, but he just lifted his hand in the universal "it's alright, mate" sign and continued on his way. 

Satisfied with his shots, he grabbed his leather messenger bag to put his camera back in when he realized there was some kind of green thread attached to the side zipper. 

"What the fu–" he trailed off when he realized it wasn't just a piece of thread/yarn, but it wasn't even detached from its source yet. 

At first he started to pull on the string, but as it didn't come away, he started to follow it back to its source. After a couple minutes of walking, he saw a pair of worn out converse leading up to a slender, male legs, and then a kilt half undone in the back, stopping right under the curve of his arse. Ah, the source of the string. If the lad walked any further his arse and bollocks would’ve been on display for all to see. 

“What kind of idiot goes pants-less under a kilt? Fucking Hippies,” Arthur muttered. Still, he was in a good mood, so he decided to be nice. 

"Hey! You should decide what you're going to do about this, before you decide on some shopping." 

The lad looked up from the display table outside a boutique, and okay, he wasn't as young as he looked from the back. He had this fey look about him albeit the gormless stare he was giving Arthur. He had a familiar look to him, but then again, Arthur would never be able to forget a face like that. 

When the man just continued to stare, Arthur looked from the now almost ball of yarn in his hand, to the line of it that was still connected down to the man’s kilt. The man finally seemed to catch on and started to follow his line of sight until he was looking at his own behind. 

"Fucking hell!" He yelped and turned to stand behind the table. 

"So, I'm not allowed a look but all those people are?" Arthur said with a smirk and pointed behind the man.

The man turned around and saw that his backside was in full view to the rest of the boutique's patrons. 

"Fuck me!" The man looked like he was in pain.

"I'll consider it." This earned Arthur a death glare and a scowl. With a smirk, Arthur went on. "Do you live nearby?"

"No!" he said, mouth agape, but before the man could continue, Arthur talked over him. 

"Do you have a car?"

"At home..." said the man, biting his lower lip.

"Well, there's nothing for it then. Follow me." Before the man could respond, Arthur pulled him forward and pressed close behind him. "Keep walking."

"T-To where? Where are you taking me?" said the man, stumbling ahead.

"You know full well you can't stop walking, so just keep at it until I say stop." The man obeyed with a sigh and kept walking.

"Where did you pick up this thread? Fuck, how long was my arse hanging out like that? Fucking Will, I'm going to kill him."

"Why would anyone pick up thread? It was stuck on the zipper to my bag,” said Arthur rolling his eyes.

The man came to an abrupt stop.

"The-Then it was you? You did this to me?" The man was starting to raise his voice.

"You did this to you. You bumped into my bag. Seems like your bum is attracted to great taste. Like now for example." The man looked confused and then looked down to where his arse was sort of resting on Arthur's thigh. 

"Fuck! Sorry!" said the man and he winced. Arthur just turned him around again.

"Just keep walking if you don't want to draw any more attention." Arthur said in an amused tone of voice. After an awkward minute of walking, Arthur spotted a display table being set up not 10 paces away. 

"Stop." Arthur commanded.

The man turned around and furrowed his brows at Arthur in a confused fashion. 

"Excuse me, how much is this?" said Arthur, ignoring the man’s (absolutely adorable) face.

The lady setting up the table turned around at Arthur's voice and smiled. She presented him with a studded belt. "That'll be 5 quid, sir."

"No, not that.  _ That _ ." Arthur was eyeing the cloth draped over the table. 

"Erm... thass not for sale, sir,” said the girl, looking at Arthur as if he was mental.

"I said, how much." Arthur said with a charming yet authoritative voice. 

The girl eventually caved and but before she could name a price, Arthur picked up the green cloth and draped it around the man's hips. 

The man squawked. "What are you–"

"Shush." Arthur set to work trying to make a make shift cover for this man. He was an architect for goodness sake, he could make anything look presentable. After tying the cloth to the side, Arthur scanned the display table and saw a poppy flower pin. He took it and placed it over the knot of the cloth. Yes. It was perfect. 

"Your kilt looks much better now. At least it should feel a lot warmer," Arthur couldn't help but smirk.

“You’re a prat, but I owe you one,” said the man with a pretty blush.

“Hmm, do you have any plans right now?” asked Arthur, leaving the girl a twenty pound note.

“Besides killing Will? No,” said the man, brushing a hand through his hair. 

“Hello, I’m Arthur, your knight in shining armor. Want to go grab a pint with me?” Arthur asked. 

“Merlin. And  _ not _ a damsel, thank you very much! I’d like that. It’s the least I can do to get a round,” said Merlin, shaking Arthur’s hand. 

As Arthur let go, he raised a curious brow at Merlin’s still outstretched hand. 

“Oh, I’ll just take that massive ball of thread out of your hair,” said Merlin. 

“Nah, I think I’d like to hang on to it,” said Arthur. 

“A memento of sorts?” Merlin said with an adorable, eye-crinkling smile. 

“Let’s just say I’m rather curious to see how much more I can unravel later,” teased Arthur. 

“That’s very presumptuous,” said Merlin with an eyebrow raise. 

“I’m confident with my chances,” said Arthur, moving closer to him.

“You know, there’s a pub down the street from Will’s shop and I know for certain he’s not in right now. Why don’t we go christen his office,” said Merlin with a cheeky gleam in his eyes. 

“Lead the way,” Arthur whispered in Merlin’s ear, trying to be seductive. 

He thought he failed when Merlin barked out a laugh, but then again he would say he was rather successful by the way Merlin all but grabbed his wrist and ran the three blocks there. If Merlin used “not getting caught” as an excuse, Arthur benevolently didn’t say anything about it.

*

Merlin 100 : Will 100

(Though Arthur would argue that Merlin is the winner because Arthur is obviously the best reward there is)

  
  


 

The end.  

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really know how to end this, but there you go! Haha hope you lot enjoyed it! Check out my other fics if you have yet to! :)


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